If there is one thing the world could use more of is more positive people. However, there are a large number of people I am running into who are taking the Positive Thing way too far.
I was reading Chris Brogan’s blog this morning on How to Say No and it reminded me of the hundreds of incidents occurring over the past five years I have been involved with where the smiley face ‘Positive Until I Die’ people keep leading people on for months before they find being too positive has now made them look very Negative.
You probably have meet a few of these people, if you are not one of them. You know them as the people who just can not see how saying No to anything is being positive. Where do they learn how to be so positive? Is it a genetic trait? Or, just a fear of not being popular? Who knows??
Are blogs like Staying Positive in a Negative World where these people get their thinking and carrying it to an absurd extreme? OR, are they going to the extremes from looking at the reverse like in Are You Too Negative and pushing the positive envelope beyond the edge of sanity?
There is nothing wrong with being positive about life, work and the world around you. However, refusing to deal with the negative things going wrong around you because they are not positive will not make them go away. This is exactly what many of the overly positive people of the world are doing.
Refuse to be the Bad Guy
I find overly positive people’s debating skills very entertaining. I find it disturbing when positive people try to stay positive and upbeat while discussing business issues that logically are not right. From the many encounters I have had with overly positive people I have found many of them so stuck on being only positive they will conclude difficult discussion by putting forth a ‘fake polite’ request to excuse themselves and just walk away from the conversation since it deals with the realities of life or business. Unfortunately, their avoidance of real life and business issues is what starts tainting the positive image they spend so much energy upholding.
There absolutely is nothing wrong with carrying on an upbeat positive conversation with in a diverse crowd of people you do not know. Actually, it is the preferred conversation style for any type of social or business mixer. However, when it comes time to get REAL a more rational style of conversation, that could have some negative undertones, shows the person’s ability to roll with the punch and deal with the issue. This approach allows for negative pressures developed during the discussion to be released avoiding the overload breakdown that results much later.
Wrongful Judgments
I also have found overly positive people to be very judgmental of anyone they deem to be negative. Usually, anyone who brings up any discussion of any issue outside the world of positiveness they live in is, to them, a negative person. True, there are some very negative people in the world and I will agree they should be avoided since they will drain your energy. However, there are a very large number of people who are well balanced in their point of views who are out in the world searching for answers to issues that are keeping the positive side of life and business from shining through. These people are no negative people. To proclaim these people who are able to debate positively a negative issue as being a negative person is really not being very positive..is it?
Ticking Time Bomb
So why do these people insist on being only positive and keeping their guard up against dealing with realities? Why are positive people quick to judge someone offering a negative view of something as a negative person. In the few times I have been able to crack the false positive image many of these people have developed I find they have experienced overwhelming negatives during their life and have adopted the ‘positive only’ approach to keep the negatives inside. Over a period of time holding in the realities of their life will usually results in them mentally breaking down.
The world needs more positive people to keep the bright light shining on what is great about life. The world does not need the totally negative people who see nothing good about anything. What the world REALLY needs are people to learn how to balance their personalities so the true person inside can be seen. Being too positive can hurt your image as being totally negative. Learn how to be balanced before you find being positive is working negatively towards your image.
I’m generally positive and most of the people around me are positive. We’re also realists, and there are times that facing reality can be rough. I’ve lost a couple close relatives to cancer. Throughout the course of dealing with the disease, I was positive and the relatives were generally positive. But there comes a point when things may not get better, and at those times — for me and for these two people very close to me — it was time for some harder discussions.
If these relatives needed to talk about things they wanted to do or have taken care of before they died, they were met with people telling, “Oh, don’t talk like that–everything’s going to be all right!” I know people are sometimes like that because it’s hard for them to deal with reality, but these people needed to have some very tough discussions, or let people know what they wanted done after they died.
I’ve encountered it at work and other places, too — people who aren’t positive, but more terrified of the rougher side of reality and acting like it didn’t exist. Many times people like that let things slide because they don’t want to accept things aren’t always good. Even after a deadline is missed, or something’s gone wrong, there they are, acting like everything is okay, but not doing anything to make things okay so the realists can get back to being positive.
You’re right, people who cling to being falsely positive about everything eventually break down. It hurts to see because I know they mean well, and I know they are scared. I’ve chatted with a few overly positive friends and they eventually mentioned that they feel like if they say something bad might happen that it will happen.
By facing reality, and even considering those bad things that can happen, I’ve avoided a lot of bad stuff. I’m a very positive person despite being a hard-headed realist. When it comes to working with others and trust, I’ll take somebody who’s real and makes things happen over somebody who’s clinging to hope that everything will somehow work out okay in the end.
Through it all, there were people who were still positive. Or rather, people who were desperately slaphappy and unable to deal with reality. If these relatives tried talking about things they wanted to do before they died, they were met with something just shy of, “Oh, you’re not going to die, silly! Every
Chris,
Thanks for sharing..great points. Knowing how to balance positive with negative should be the focus everyone has in life, death and in business. Knowing when it is time to be less than positive in the work place is not really an art, but is a necessity to being a complete person. People are attracted to others who have a balance of positive and negative view points. Being too smiley faced or consistently Grinch sends up a huge flag to others that the person probably is having problems dealing with reality and will be shunned.
Type your comment here.You are absolutely right about all of this. I was always a very, very optimistic and overly positive person until my husband died and I was forced to deal with reality. Now I find that there are almost no people who are able to actually face the reality of death. It’s very frustrating, and leaves a person who is suddenly plunged into undeniable reality with no one to stand by their side through it. The denial and overly false positive approach to life that permiates our society now is like dealing with osteriches whose heads are totally buried in the sand……absolutely unrealistic. It’s like a herd of sheep who are pretending that Santa Claus is always going to make EVERYTHING be absolutely wonderful. That’s just not the real world.
I recently dated a man who was always optimistic and had a hard time trying to get through to this man. He often said I was negative if I didn’t agree with him and his views, but when I tried to point out that just because I didn’t agree with his point of view didn’t mean I didn’t love him or respect him, and that maybe I can look at things from a different point of view didn’t make me a negative person. He then dumped me with no warning and no explanation. I was very hurt and devastated by this and how he could be so cruel. After reading your article I am seeing that he may of been an overly optimistic person who was scared of reality and can’t respect other people’s opinions or ever say sorry to anyone. I guess I now can stop beating myself up for my feelings and see that it was he who needs to find a balance in his life or else he will continue to push anyone who cares about him away and end up with many disappointments in his life.
Hooray! Finally… someone speaking the truth about this topic. You’re so damn right. I see too many blogs and those cheesy “positive affirmation” signs on the net and especially on facebook that see things in a narrow view or state of mind. They are too many out there looking at the world with “rose colored glasses,” so to speak, and not facing reality. At least, they make people believe they are always positive. Who knows what the real truth is in their personal lives. When I comment on their blogs, they probably think I’m just being cynical. No, not really. I’m just being real, facing whatever challenge there is in life and dealing with it and mentioning “how positive” it is to look at things as they truly are… good or bad or neither. They want to debate me on that, too. It’s almost funny.
Positive and Happy People are in a state of Denial, plain and simple. Same with Idealists who don’t deal with what is real and true.
I was actually searching for articles about overly positive people. I love my sister in law to death but all she posts of Facebook are these sickening, sugary, notes of positivity. I want to say to her, “You don’t have kids. Your husband is the salt of the earth. You love your job. Your financial obligations are minimal.: Your house and car are paid for. You eat out at least 4-5 times a week. You travel all the time.”
I would really like to tell her that life is nowhere near as rosy as she proclaims. and it’s so unreal. May be “real” for her though.
I don’t want to be mean or hateful. What can I do, if anything? Thanks!
I am often judged for being angry, negative or bitchy. Yet, the people who judge me tend to have a less happy life. I know I am misunderstood. When there is a problem, I google and search for answers. When a process is not working, I reflect on how it can be better. It is also what I do at work. Whenever I bring up the issues I see, people call me ungrateful. That is, until they see that my solutions solve problems because I start by acknowledging the problems.
Once, I dated a guy who was very nice but we were never able to have any deep conversations. He did everything to avoid debates and conflicts. I could not say anything that was remotely non “splendid”, “fastastic” or “great”. It was torturous. My current partner and I are able to enjoy many hours of debating issues and having degrees of agreements/disagreements. I like that the world is not just black and white….all in these positive people’s minds….just white and sparkly.
I would add that people who are overly positive come off as fake. If I get out of a meeting and it was horrible and everyone is thinking wow that doesn’t make sense etc… then someone trys to make a positive spin I just think to myself, who are you trying to fool…yourself? I think it’s good to say what’s really on your mind. There should definitely be a balance is my main point.
Jordan,
Exactly. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people taking the advice of business gurus who tell them to be positive at all cost.
Thanks for commenting